


The Infidelity - Robert and Rebecca (16th March) (canon compliant)

by BoleynC



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/M, I mean it goes that way but it's not graphic, M/M, sex is heavily implied?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 13:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10361868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoleynC/pseuds/BoleynC
Summary: Inside the mind of Robert Sugden leading up to cheating on Aaron.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been struggling with this scene a lot. I didn't like it at all, and when I first saw it I was honestly disgusted and I felt sick. Since then, though, I've been thinking a lot more about it, and trying to understand it from Robert's perspective. 
> 
> For this fic I wanted to get into Robert’s head, something that for obvious reasons we can't really do while watching the episode. Writing this and really thinking about the situation has actually made the whole storyline a bit less painful for me, so I hope it can do that for you as well! 
> 
> There are more notes at the end of this, but anyway, enjoy! (Or not, but either way I hope this is a good read!)

By the time Rebecca shows up Robert’s already feeling light-headed and incredibly sorry for himself. He makes a pathetic drunk, he knows that much. Alcohol in large quantities has never agreed with him. Aaron can down pints in quick succession and not show a sign of it, Robert supposes that comes from living in a pub for so long, but as Aaron gleefully tells him, he, Robert, is a ‘lightweight’. 

He’s sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, amidst the chaos he created when he trashed the bedroom. He’s still angry enough not to regret that, not even when he sees the dent in the chest of drawers laying forlornly at his side.

“You sharing that?” Bex asks as she picks her way across the room, careful not to trip over the tools and furniture scattered across the floor. 

“Yeah, help yourself,” Robert murmurs, not caring either way. He doubts there’s much left in the bottle to be honest, but she's welcome to it. 

She manages to find a path to where he’s sitting and carefully settles down beside him. He can feel her fur coat against his arm as they sit shoulder to shoulder. 

Robert’s grateful that she’s not mentioned the state of everything, the state of _him._ She’s always been someone to count on, has Rebecca, thinks Robert almost maliciously. Text her and she comes running. It was always the same. Back when he was with Chrissie he almost came to resent her for that. He knows it’s ridiculous, resenting someone for coming when you ask, but he can’t help it. It’s too simple, too easy. Robert likes a build up, some tension, a feeling of conquest, like he’s had to work to get his way. With Aaron it was that initial resistance that first drew him in. Aaron was nobody’s doormat. He’d punch you for implying less. He was his own person, unable to be swayed. A proper stubborn pain in the arse. 

Even during their affair Aaron had been a wild card. Robert remembers Aaron’s sulks if they had to change plans at the past minute. He remembers the swearing, the power plays, the way that even then, even before Robert was ever brave enough to admit how he felt, it was Aaron who held the cards. He never knew it, but Robert does. 

There was always something special about Aaron. The contradictory way he pushes people away while drawing them in, perhaps by accident, is addictive, appealing. He’s vulnerable, painfully so, but it’s almost completely masked by sarcasm and attitude. He’s honest. raw, but he won’t tell you what he’s thinking unless he really, _truly_ trusts you. You have to earn that privilege with Aaron. 

Robert thought he had. He thought he’d earned Aaron’s honesty, but apparently not. Apparently he’s still a stranger to him. Nothing’s changed at all. In fact, they’ve gone backwards.

“So I’m guessing this is about your husband?” Rebecca asks, taking a sip from the bottle. 

Husband? If Robert could find anything remotely funny about this situation he’d laugh. It was never a marriage, not really. Not to Aaron. Never mind that he genuinely thought they were forever, that those vows meant something, that they’d be old men sitting by the fire together one day, probably discussing Liv's latest antics. No, Aaron hasn’t got the backbone to make a commitment. He’s chosen drugs at the first opportunity. The very first temptation and he’s gone. 

 _He’s_ _the one that’s_ _cheated_ , Robert tells himself bitterly. _So what happens next is his fault._

“Ex,” Robert tells Rebecca, feeling detached as he hears the word coming out of his mouth. 

Rebecca turns to look at him, surprised. 

“Really?” she asks. 

 _Tell me about it_ , Robert thinks. He’s just as stunned as she is. He’s floored by it. That Aaron, _Aaron_ of all people could betray him like this. 

“Everyone reckons I get what I want, always,” Robert says flatly, not really focussing on anything, just staring into the distance, deep in dark thoughts. ”You, Chrissie… Aaron.”

Adding Aaron to that list is almost numbing. Or perhaps that’s just the alcohol. 

“I just use people and toss them aside, that’s what they think,” Robert explains bitterly. He’s forgotten he’s with Bex, that she was on that list. It doesn’t matter anyway. He knows he’s correctly summarised everyone’s general assessment of him. Even Vic thinks it. She loves him, yeah, but he’s not an idiot. Everyone thinks he’s just a cheat. A user. A waste of space who can’t be trusted. 

Aaron was never supposed to think that. At least not after Chrissie. Not after everything that happened with Gordon. Aaron was the only one, _the only one_ who didn’t. Or at least he was learning not to. Robert was proving himself to him. He truly thought he was getting somewhere. 

Robert doesn’t know how he misjudged the situation so badly. He’s usually good at reading that sort of thing, of estimating where he stands, working out how far he has left to go. It’s the businessman in him. 

But apparently Aaron never trusted him at all. He was always waiting for him to slip up, to show his true colours. It’s why he’s given up on their family and turned to Spice. He never took any of it seriously. Not the wedding, the house, the dreams, _nothing._

If everyone thinks he uses people, tosses them aside, that that’s who he truly is, then maybe it’s time he gives them all what they want? Maybe they deserve the satisfaction of being proved right? The smug, sanctimonious, judgmental pieces of shit…

“Maybe that’s the only way _to_ be,” Robert says out loud. “Because falling in love… it’s a mug’s game.” 

He won’t be making that mistake again. He won’t ever be naive enough to think that someone might actually love him completely, flaws and all, and learn to trust him. 

He was better off when he was with Chrissie. At least then he was a success. He had money, a business, status. Maybe he never truly loved her, not in the way he should have, but maybe that didn’t matter. He had it made back then. He even had Bex on the side, ready to come running whenever he called for some no-strings sex. 

Robert used to be able to handle anything. He never used to be the sort of bloke to lie awake at night, unable to sleep alone, unable to sleep in a bed without his husband in it. He was free, then. Free to do whatever the hell he wanted. 

Part of him hates Aaron for what he’s turned him into. Now he’s a man who knows what it is to care for someone enough that you can’t be yourself without them, to care for someone enough that when they’re gone you don’t feel complete. 

Aaron’s made him into a moral, domestic, _boring_ family man and he _hates_ it. 

“What’s happened?” Rebecca asks, voice gentle with concern.

“He’s doing drugs,” Robert reveals in monotone. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, he admitted it. Liv busted him,” Robert tells her bitterly. 

“ _That’s_ what was bothering her,” Rebecca exclaims, like the pieces of a puzzle are finally falling into place. “Oh, how could he be so stupid?” 

He’s not stupid. Robert knows that. Aaron’s anything but. 

No, he knew what he was getting himself into. This whole thing was a choice. He’s not letting Rebecca think that Aaron’s the victim in all this, because he’s not. Aaron’s made a decision to kill himself. That’s what it boils down to. Because in the end, that’s where it’ll lead. Especially with someone as troubled as Aaron. 

“Because he’s weak,” Robert declares spitefully. “He always has been.” 

Aaron’s never been weak. He’s the strongest person Robert’s ever known by miles. But that only makes this betrayal all the worse. 

Deep down Robert knows he’s the weak one really. He always has been. He’s so weak, such a fucking mess, that his husband seems to have lost the will to live mere weeks after their marriage. He can’t deal with this. The proof of that is all around him; the trashed room, the fact he’s got Rebecca by his side, right where he needs her. 

It’s easier to lie, though. And the only person he’d ever have been honest enough to admit that truth to, that he’s cracking under the pressure already and he hates himself for it, would rather be off his head on drugs than be there to listen. 

“Hey,” Bex says with forced optimism, reaching out to pat his leg. “If anyone can sort him out, you can.” 

“No, no,” Robert mutters, shaking his head. “I’ve tried reasoning with him. I just, I don’t… I don’t know what he’s turned into.” 

“You can’t give up on him,” Rebecca says. 

 _I never gave up on him,_ Robert thinks. _He’s given up on me._  

“I’m no use to him anymore,” Robert explains, tears forming in his eyes. He turns to look at Bex with the smallest of smiles. It’s more like a grimace. She doesn’t get it. He can see that much from her expression. She thinks he’s being dramatic, that this is some insignificant barney instead of the end of all of Robert’s hopes for his future. 

“When things don’t go his way he cuts himself or he lashes out,” Robert tells her, finding a perverse sort of pleasure in giving away this secret of Aaron’s. Why should he hide it anyway? He’s the one who’s had to deal with it. He’s the one who found him that day in the scrapyard after he’d cut himself to shreds and almost killed himself. He’s the one that kept a constant eye on Aaron’s arms, his torso, to make sure there were no fresh marks.

Nobody knows that but him and Aaron. And Aaron doesn’t really know the half of it, the stress involved in keeping tabs when Aaron’s low, in making sure he’s not got a knife hidden away somewhere in their bedroom. 

Robert wants somebody to realise what he’s been dealing with. That it’s not just Aaron who’s suffered. That he’s done his best. That he’s given everything. 

“He doesn’t think about the people who love him,” Robert continues keenly, sounding like some sort of snitching schoolboy. “I don’t know how many times he’s broken Chas’s heart.” 

“But she’s never given up on him has she?” Rebecca points out, sounding uncomfortable now. 

“And now he’s breaking Liv’s,” Robert says harshly. 

This one really does hurt. Robert loves that kid sister of Aaron’s. It’s hard to explain how they work, but they do. They’re not quite siblings, not quite dad and daughter, but something in-between. It’s one of the most unexpectedly pure parts of Robert’s life, just being there for Liv; telling her off, making her tea, confiscating her phone occasionally when she gets really mouthy. It’s funny, because Robert’s never understood why anyone would want to be a parent before, but now he gets it. It feels good to care for someone like that. Even if it is exhausting. 

The thought of Aaron hurting Liv is too painful. Liv idolises her big brother. She adores him. When Robert’s taken her phone off her before he’s seen her wallpaper, and it’s not a photo of some celebrity or even of her partner in crime, Gabby, it’s a photo of her and Aaron, smiling. 

Aaron’s not just betrayed him, he’s betrayed their family. He’s given that kid hope of a new life, of a new home, of a fresh start, and now his own selfishness is going to tear it away from her. Robert wishes he could shield Liv from that, but he can’t. He’s not _really_ family, after all. That was just some stupid dream. Liv isn’t his problem now, even if he wants her to be. 

“You know I told him about her school,” Robert continues. “Didn’t even listen. No, just stuck in his own twisted little world. Know what, if that’s where he wants to be, good luck to him.” 

Aaron can go fuck himself, Robert thinks as the anger rises again. He’s a druggie. An addict. A pathetic, disappointing excuse for a husband. Saying he loves him and then doing this? Betraying him. Throwing everything away for a thrill.

He reaches for the bottle of alcohol and goes to take another deep swig, but Rebecca reaches out to stop him. 

“Hey, maybe you’ve had enough?” she suggests, carefully prying the bottle from his hand and placing it safely out of his reach. 

“Why are you here?” Robert asks, brow furrowing through another wave of light-headedness. Moving really doesn’t feel so good. 

“You text me?” Rebecca tells him. 

Robert frowns and then remembers. He’s been so wrapped up in talking about Aaron that he’s forgotten why he’d called her there in the first place. 

“I didn’t expect you to come,” Robert lies. 

“Yes you did,” Rebecca points out, eyebrows slightly raised in that flirty way of hers. 

And there it is. Robert knows in that moment that this is going to be easy. He knows how this will go. Just like it always was when he was with Chrissie, years back. Rebecca playing the innocent right until the moment they got it on. Maybe it’s some way of coping with the guilt? Robert supposes that sleeping with your sister’s fiancé is a low move, but he can’t really judge her for it. He slept with Katie for long enough behind Andy’s back.

There are a few seconds where Robert pauses. Aaron’s red-rimmed eyes are in his mind again, watery and blue. 

 _You did this to yourself,_ he thinks, as he reaches for Rebecca’s hand. He’s still wearing his wedding ring. He’s not going to take it off, either, no matter what happens tonight. He wants to show Aaron, to prove to himself that the ring means _nothing._

“I’ve missed you,” Robert tells Bex, but she pulls her hand away from him. 

“Now I know you’re drunk,” she says, smiling. 

Yeah, he is. He’s hammered. But it’s Aaron’s fault. All of it. 

“No, seriously,” Robert tries again, thinking of what he knows Rebecca longs to hear. He’s still a master at manipulation, same as ever. Drunk or not Robert Jacob Sugden can charm the birds out of the trees. It’s how he made a name for himself in business. The schmoozing always came naturally. 

“Things haven’t been the same for me and Aaron since you turned up,” Robert adds, laying it on thick. “We were good together weren’t we?” 

He gives Bex his best charming smile (or his best attempt considering how much alcohol he’s consumed), and leans in to kiss her. 

She turns her head away and Robert finds himself leaning on her shoulder for a moment, resting against her fur coat before he pulls back, surprised. 

Rebecca is looking him dead in the eyes, smiling awkwardly. Robert knows that look. She used to pull that expression back when he was seeing Chrissie and they used to meet up for a bit of fun whenever she was away. It means her conscience is making an appearance, but if past experience is anything to go by, Robert’s pretty sure that’ll be a fleeting visit. 

“Rob- you had your chances with me and you weren’t interested,” Rebecca says, getting to her feet. “So no way am I going there again.” 

This is unexpected. It looks like Bex is at least trying to resist temptation this time round. Robert watches her wander about the room, picking up items of furniture, trying to return them to their places as best she can. 

He can’t fail at this. He _needs_ to teach Aaron a lesson. Otherwise this is just pathetic, isn't it? Him getting hammered and blurting out his problems to an ex in a bedroom he’s trashed. Robert Sugden doesn’t do pathetic. 

Rebecca has taken off her fur coat and is lingering. Busying herself with the furniture, yes, but it’s clearly an excuse to stick around. Robert decides to give it one more go, to see if he’s read this right. He gets to his feet, rather unsteadily, and leans back against the wall for a moment, getting his bearings. Perhaps he’s more drunk than he realised. 

“I thought Aaron was supposed to be the self-destructive one?” Rebecca comments as she examines a wall hanging which Robert had torn down earlier. 

“He can be what he likes, we’re over,” Robert declares. 

Bex looks at him over her shoulder.

“Stop kidding yourself,” she tells him. “You love each other.” 

Robert doesn’t want to hear that right now. He’s not going to allow himself to feel a single shred of guilt for any of this. The old Robert never did. When he cheated on Chrissie his only real regret was getting caught out. He wants to go back to who he was before he met Aaron. A guy with no morals, no principles, willing to do just about anything to get his way. 

“Well the thing is is I love lots of people,” Robert slurs, pushing away the promises he made to Aaron, the day he’d come out to him, told Aaron that he was enough, that he wouldn’t want other people. 

It’s almost funny. Aaron always told him he couldn’t choose, like him being bi meant he was a cheat by nature. Like he needed both. Like he couldn't help but fall into bed with the first woman who offered it on a plate.

Well, Robert intends to live up to the stereotype tonight. 

“Some… more than others,” he continues, trying to make his voice sound low and seductive. 

“Hey you need to go home to bed,” Rebecca says, taking a step away from him. She must hear how drunk he is, Robert thinks. So he makes an effort to sound more together.

“Sounds good to me,” he says, going to put his hands on Bex’s hips from behind. 

“I’m already on a promise.” 

“What?” Robert scoffs. “What with Ross? How long’s that gonna last?” 

“I don’t know,” Bex says, sounding more sure of herself now she knows where this is going. Now she thinks she’s in control. “Probably until he realises my sister is a better option.” 

She gives Robert a significant look. Is he supposed to feel ashamed? He doesn’t, but he knows exactly what he needs to say in order to make this happen. He’s going to have to do better than offering no-strings sex. If he wants to make Aaron’s nightmare come true then Bex needs more than that. 

“Me, me and Chrissie was the biggest mistake of my life,” Robert tells her eagerly, trying to look sincere. He’s not sure that it’s working all that well. The drink’s getting in the way. 

But Rebecca finally pauses. She waits for a moment and looks at his face. Her eyes are sad, conflicted. 

“Not just yours,” she mutters. 

Robert knows he should feel guilty now, but he’s too far gone. All he can think about is Aaron and the drugs and his sweet, sweet revenge. 

“Well then this is our chance to try again, to get it right,” Robert says, knowing he’s cracked it now. He can see Bex is considering it. Considering him. 

He wishes Aaron could see them now. So close to that nightmare scenario. 

“Until something better comes along,” Bex points out. 

“No, no,” Robert insists, wracking his brains for something he can use, for some detail about her, some shared memory. Bringing up a time they had sex will sound too shallow, so he’s got to think hard. He’s not sure they’ve ever actually connected properly. Funny how he’s struggling to bring anything to mind, no private jokes, no nicknames, no exchange of deep, dark secrets. 

And then he thinks up the perfect thing to say. 

“Remember that first time we met? That garden party?” 

He can’t even remember whose party it was, let alone what they were there for.

“When you came on to me behind my boyfriend’s back?” 

Ah, that’s it. Robert does remember that. It was the sort of thing he did all the time when he was with Chrissie. Rebecca being her sister had given him a sick sort of thrill. Not to mention that he’d wanted to keep his options open.

“I couldn’t help myself and nor could you,” Robert agrees, smiling like he means it. “There was something there and there still is and you know it.” 

“How could I ever trust you again?” Rebecca asks, shaking her head but holding his gaze. 

 _Trust me?_ Robert thinks. _Don’t you know who I am? I’m Robert Jacob Sugden. I’m a lying, cheating, user who can’t make my mind up. I’m scum. I’m so pathetic that my own husband chose drugs over me._

“Stop trying to,” Robert says, and this time when he leans in, she kisses him back. 

The bed’s right there, right behind them. His and Aaron’s bed. The one they chose together. 

It’s easy. They’ve done this before. He’s shrugging off his leather jacket and then they’re falling back, falling down onto that brand new mattress. 

_I, Robert Jacob Sugden, take you, Aaron Dingle, to be my wedded husband._

Rebecca’s kissing him so fiercely, so desperately that he barely has to do a thing. She’s already unbuttoning his shirt. Robert’s reaching for his own belt so fast that it doesn’t even break their momentum. 

_I promise to be faithful._

Rebecca shifts on the bed and Robert’s hands are all over her, clumsier than they should be. 

 _I hate you Aaron Dingle_ , Robert thinks as clothes are shed and Rebecca sighs. _I hope this breaks your heart._  
  
I hope this breaks your heart because you've broken mine.

**Author's Note:**

> And breathe!
> 
> (This was so tough to write as someone who loves Rob and Aaron as a couple so much. Honestly.)
> 
> Just some thoughts: 
> 
> I 100% believe that Rob sleeping with Rebecca was about Aaron. Rebecca was just the person that Robert could most easily use as a release. The catalyst was Aaron. It wasn’t about Rebecca, not really, aside from the fact that Rob and Rebecca getting together is clearly one of Aaron's fears and I think that Robert would definitely get a bit of pleasure from hurting him in retaliation. 
> 
> I look at this whole thing as a terribly judged, drunken, retaliatory move from Robert. I don't think it proves he doesn't love Aaron. I think it proves that he can't cope WITHOUT Aaron. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, but it's something to be explored. He's definitely reverted to his 2014 self now he thinks he's lost Aaron, and it's ugly, I won't lie. 
> 
> Please leave me a comment if you enjoyed reading this! This was hard to write (mostly because I had to watch THAT SCENE a load of times) so any comments would be so appreciated!
> 
> You can say hi on twitter if you like! I'm @ClaudiaBoleyn xxx


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